By Chris Hunter and Dan Albanese (Graphic by Chris Hunter)
Q: What should I do over the summer?
Chris Hunter answers:
Summer is the time to take a break from school and focus on your mental health and academic future. For rising sophomores, I recommend doing fun or amusing activities, like going to the MOST or rebelling against those who control the social means of production: the bourgeoisie. The freshman-to-sophomore summer is one of the last “free” summers you’ll have, so enjoy it.
When the summer of your sophomore-to-junior year approaches, the dawning realization that you are becoming a young adult comes to light. This summer is when some would say that you should find a job, but that’s exactly what they want: for the proletariat to stay underneath them. Either that, or go visit the Dinosaur BBQ with friends.
Probably one of the most important summers of your high-school life is the summer of your junior-to-senior year. Colleges are likely looking for things that make you college-worthy, but don’t stress. If you’re interested in art, visit the Everson Museum of Art; if you find theater entertaining, take a trip to Syracuse Stage.
If you’re frustrated with working long hours with low wages for the benefit of the upper class, take up arms against the bourgeoisie. It’s important to reward yourself – here’s room where you can be a narcissistic capitalist. Some colleges ask applicants to list their favorite concerts, exhibits and movies, so not only will you have fun doing things you love, but it may give you an upper hand in the application process!
The summer before your senior year is, in my opinion, a time to relax. By this time, you’ve concluded months and months of schoolwork, so you have time to unwind. Make a bucket list of things you want to do or a list of materials needed for the rebellion. Gathering friends for the revolution is step one to our step-by-step plan to end the capitalist rule that we have all learned to obey.
If you want actual advice, finding things that interest you is a great place to start. Go buy tickets in advance for the Great New York State Fair in August and go as many time as you can afford. Keep in mind that you don’t have to do everything; just do things that you know will help you have fun and have a stress-free summer.
Dan Albanese answers:
Congratulations! You’ve survived another year of “The Man” trying to get you to conform to his plan for you. It’s summer. Summer is the time to sit back, relax and enjoy yourself, and nothing says relaxing like eating a big bucket of bees. Summer can get very hot, and it’s important to stay hydrated, and nothing says thirst-quenching like a nice tall glass of bees. Just eat them by the handful. Kill as many bees as you can, because at the rate the human race is killing them, you might as well join in on the fun.
It’s also important to stay social during the summer. I personally like hanging out with my friend Jeff, who is actually a 3,000-pound Beluga Whale. Jeff and I love to swim and hula hoop and look like really fat dolphins with tumors on our foreheads and talk about how much we love anime. While you’re hanging out with your whale friend, this is the perfect time to have an absolute existential crisis. You only have so much time on Earth, and yet you are spending your limited time eating bees and talking about anime to whales, and while more importantly, you’re making life choices based on an advice column in a magazine.
Bottom line, you have to do what makes you happy, which is why you are going to confess your repressed love for actor John Goodman to your whale friend. You’ve kept it bottled up inside your whole life. Love should never be a secret. If you keep something as complicated as love stored up inside, it could make you sick. Today is the day you start being true to yourself.
In all seriousness, summer is a time to enjoy yourself. Summer can be a lot of fun, but it’s also really easy to waste time. Find stuff you can do with your friends, like going to concerts or going to the beach or to amusement parks. It will be a lot more fun if you’re doing stuff with your friends, even if they’re whales, instead of staying at home and watching Netflix for three months straight. Trust me, I know.
You only have a little bit of time until you gotta go back to school, so you have to try to make the most of it.